After the children were removed my whole view of the world changed. I had no idea what to do. The department was telling us there were a number of things we had to do. One of the hardest was that I had to get rid of all our pets. We had 3 dogs(I am a breeder/trainer). One was a rescue GSD, one was my white GSD that was my medical alert service dog and the other was her pup that I was hoping to use for breeding. The other animals were 2 rescue cats and 2 rescue ferrets that were kept in a 6ft cage. The department tried to say that the reason the house looked so bad was because of the animals. No mention of the fact that everything that was downstairs during the sewer back up was now upstairs and yes causing a smell. The damages were extensive and the carpets had to be removed and still the smell remained.
My older cat we put down. This hit me hard. I had had him since he was 2 weeks old. And he was 10 when he was put to sleep. He was my Service Dogs best friend but no one around would take him. I returned the other cat to the rescue I used to foster and train for. The ferrets were returned to the rescue they came from and i included the cage and all accessories. I out right refused to get rid of the dogs. They were all I had left to keep me grounded and give me hope that I might be able to follow my dream. I felt like I was being forced to get rid of the only supports I had. I had lost my kids and now my pets. And I was always fearful of losing my husband. My mind was in a very sick place not knowing that it would be better to lose him.
The second requirement was to move. They said that our house was no longer livable and to be honest they were correct. The problem at that time was there was a housing crisis going on. At this time the department only had I sign an agreement that the kids would reside at my mothers. There was no Temporary Guardianship Order. My husband was under a supervision order though. He could only see the kids if he was supervised. I could see them when ever I wanted to. And did. I would go take care of the kids regularly when my mother and her husband went out. I would attend parent and tot programs with them and so on. I was told by the department if we did all required we could get them back in 3 months. So for me I saw this as a temporary thing. I put everything I had into finding a new place to rent. But there was literally nothing. Families were living in campgrounds because there was an influx of jobs just no housing options.
I began to panic and my depression got worse. I didn't understand why my mood was getting worse when the meds the doctor gave me where suppose to help. I was on 3 at the time. My doctor advised us that if we did not get away for even a short period then I could have another break down. I had just been accepted for the disability program that my doctor advised me to apply for. So we now had some money. We decided to go for a 2 week vacation to visit the breeder that we had sent our dog to to be bred. The stud we had used had recently passed away and we wanted to meet her and give her our support. We were gone for 2 weeks and when we got back we found out that the department had applied for a Temporary Guardianship Order while we had been away and it had been granted. We were shocked. But there was nothing we could do.
The other requirements that they listed were:
*For me access counseling. So I contacted the only mental health place in the town we resided in. I saw a counselor once. And then she refused to see me because she said that she could not accommodate my service dog because the other therapist was allergic. I do not drive. Don't even have a license. So traveling outside of the town was beyond difficult. I did get an appointment with a psychiatrist in the city over but when we met I was terrified of him and basically sat the entire time shaking in the chair. He advised me to get someone I felt comfortable with. So all avenues for that was blocked as long as I was in that town.
*Follow with the recommendations of medication by my family doctor. I did this and unknown to him or I the medication was the cause of my suicide attempts and sever depression. This was discovered the next spring.
*Attending parenting courses. My town didn't offer any. We did attend a one on one course with a lady in the city over but at the time(summer) all courses were done until the fall.
*Allow caseworker to attend home. We had yet to find a new residence. Though I did finally find a house in a city 90 minutes away. The city where my husband had gone to school. The house was 1400 a month but there were very few options at the time. So we jumped on it.
*have phone access with the children and visits are to be supervised. This was a requirement of the Temporary Guardianship Order. I was now having to be supervised with my children though no reason was given. I did call almost every night and saw them many times a week will we moved to the new city.
The rest of the requirements had to do with my husband. He was to attend AADAC, get anger management counseling, parenting courses, drug testing, follow the requirements of his probation and so on. His list was huge.
After we moved and settled in my husband was able to get a job. Between his job and my Aish we were doing OK. Not great but OK. Then with in a week he was back to his old self. Demanding any money we had to go gamble and drink even though that was against his probation order. When he would get back he would yell and scream at me, break things, throw things at me. Finally I threatened to call the cops. He said for me to give him the keys. That he would leave. On those keys was also the house key so I went to take it off the ring. Knowing that if he had it he would come back in and until he settled down I was scared about what he would do. He grabbed me and thew me into a wall. I hit my head and slid down the wall into a sitting position. He then slammed his hands on either side of my face, grabbed my hair in his fists and started slamming the back of my head against the wall. Our pup who at this time was just over a year old, and our black gsd both rushed him. Barking and snarling and he backed off for a second. That was all I needed. I thought he would kill me so I rushed by him with the dogs in between and ran upstairs and out the door. I got as far as the side walk before I collapsed. My head was ringing. I was dizzy and everything hurt. A neighbour saw me and asked me if I was OK. I asked her to call the police.
When they arrived they found him in the backyard. They arrested him and charged him with not only domestic violence but also carrying switch blades. They took him to jail and took my statement. They asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and i said no. I didn't want to leave my dogs. They did take me down to the station to get my statement on video and my service dog came with for that. I was shaking hard. A no contact order was put in place and he was released after a few days with a notice to appear. I had no idea what I was to do. I could not afford the rent on the place we were in. We were locked into a year lease and without his income I could not do it. Let alone feed the animals or afford for the kids to come home. I felt like my life was crumbling around me.
Return To Map Of The Blog Page